Why I Should be in the NBA

I really want to play in the NBA. I have no skills, I'm past my prime (a prime that, sadly, included no skills either), and I don't have the time to work out in an attempt to develop some skills; still,I really want to play in the NBA. Isn't that good enough?

Is it outrageous that in spite of my total lack of apptitude I am not able to play the sport I love? I bet Modesto, California's Karen Cox would be on my side--she might even vote me onto the all-star team.

How do I know? Well, Karen wrote a letter to The Modesto Bee in support of 8th graders who fail their U.S. Constitution test. It seems that failing said test--a requirement for graduation--bars one from "walking the stage." These kids are not special ed, but do have some learning disabilities that make it difficult for them to pass the test. According to Karen, there needs to be "respect for individual differences" and an end to discrimination in Modesto City Schools.

Here, here! I've got some "individual differences" that separate me from the typical NBA player: I'm only 6-feet tall, can't dribble, can't shoot, and certainly can't jump. What kind of country do we live in where somebody with little or no talent is systematically denied the same opportunities as elite world-class athletes? I am ashamed to be an American!

I want to come out 100% behind Karen's proposal to give non-graduates the same benefits as graduates; after all, we're all different and different is good, it's just that we all deserve the right to use our differences to be considered the same. See you in the NBA!