Friday, April 27, 2007

Learned while surfing

It is amazing what you can learn if you spend an hour mindlessly surfing on blogexplosion while while watching TV (also mindlessly):

A surprising number of people blog about their cats.

There is a guy out there who said that the discovery of that new planet this week is the the most important story in history.

Speaking of planets, many people are very worried about ours. Come on guys, earth is a big boy who can take care of himself.

Apparently being a geek is a big selling point if you have a blog because a lot of people are touting their geekdom in their title or blurb thingy.

I had no idea there were so many blogs out there taking pot shots at Christianity.

Why do blogs focusing on technology and web development look so unattractive?

Downside of digital photography: I saw at least three blogs made up mostly of pictures taken around the blog owner's house (snack boxes on the couch, socks on the stairs, etc.).

Blogs with a more liberal leaning have a lot more cuss words on them.

Blogger really needs to work on adding some new templates; there are too many McBlogs.

Favorite name: My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

Most people make their paragraphs way too long, discouraging me from reading.

Ninety-nine percent of the time I don't bother watching videos that many bloggers are so fond of posting.

Friday, April 20, 2007

I'm a bad, bad man

While watching 20/20's Earth Day Special, I found out just how horrible I am:

I use paper towels. 20/20 just told me about the obscene amount of paper towels I will use in my lifetime. It's a big number.

I am a bad, bad man.

Diane Sawyer also said I use too many of those plastic grocery bags. Well, I do have a whole cupboard full of them. They are just waiting there in a big clump for their turn to go walk the dog with me and be turned inside out to pick up poop. After I throw them away, the bags last thousands of years, but the poop doesn't. Poop is good.

I am a bad, bad man.

I like cheap stuff and that's bad. I should desire to spend much more money on my stuff, but since I am so darn cheap, I am forcing China to make my stuff. When China makes my stuff, they pollute the world. If only I didn't want cheap stuff.

I am a bad, bad man.

I occasionally take a shower. Diane says (I feel like she talks to us like we're kindergartners) that if I (and everyone else) lop one minute off my shower, than the state of Texas can have drinking water for a month. I sometimes just bask in the warmness of the shower for my own selfish satisfaction--it feels good.

I'm a bad, bad man.

Turns out I use electricity too. Now I thought Diane liked electricity better than gas, not enough for me to stop worrying about using it. I felt real bad when Diane took me on a tour around the world and showed me how they turned the lights out on all the landmarks. It's not as pretty with the lights out.

I am a bad, bad man.

In China they have a lot of bicycles. They are good people. I have a bicycle and I even considered riding it to work, but I found out it would take me a whole 20 minutes and I'd arrive all sweaty. I like cars.

I am a bad, bad man.


Thursday, April 12, 2007

Sharpton Calls for Santa Claus' Firing!

Maybe in his ignoble departure Don Imus will have finally accomplished something worthwhile.

If his firing means that all media will now be scrubbed clean of the filthy, rude, and vulgar, then he will have died a hero. A brave warrior fallen on his microphone. A sacrifice to give us all a better life.

Riiiiight...and Sanjaya will get voted off American Idol before the bald guy.

Unless the father, son, and holy spirit of political correctness--the mainstream media, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton--put their clout behind getting folks fired for flouting foul and faulty speech, it just ain't gonna happen.

Not that there aren't plenty of people who need their mouths washed out with soap.

Just google lyrics and ho and you will get an eyeful of the earful our youth are getting.

On my first try I got hits with those who are doing the most ho, ho, ho-ing (among other things): Ludacris, Trick Daddy, Kurupt, Nappy Roots, Poison Clan, and, finally, Don Ho (psych).

Since it is obviously not difficult to find offensive speech in the public sphere, it is mysterious as to why Al Sharpton and friends haven't taken care of this "ho"rrible problem already, since these artists all get airplay on the same channel as Sharpton's own radio program! Shocking!

A cynical person would think that Al Sharpton has some other agenda. But that's just really cynical people. I don't know anybody like that.

Blast from the past: Read my old post about the Bay Area sports radio personality who got the Imus Treatment before it became all the rage.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Global Warming: Who you gonna call?

Kudo's to Laura's Miscellaneous Musings and guest blogger Gategirl for pointing out a new hysterical over-reaction to the completely natural and cyclical changes in worldwide climate, otherwise known as Y2K, er, Global Warming.

It turns out that a new bill is being introduced requiring the CIA and the Pentagon to assess national security issues that will elevate Global Warming to a national defense issue.

The Washington Post reports: "The measure also would order the Pentagon to undertake a series of war games to determine how global climate change could affect US security, including 'direct physical threats to the United States posed by extreme weather events such as hurricanes."'

That's right, folks: they want the military to be ready to fight the weather. And you thought finding Osama Bin Laden was tough.

There is no word yet on the type of weaponry that might be required in such a battle, but I would like to suggest we look into the "unliscensed nuclear accelerators" that Dan Akroyd and Bill Murray used in Ghostbusters.

As I recall, the Ghostbusters had a whole arsenal of weapons that were effective against make-believe menaces.

Let's see, there was an ectoplasmic trap which might prove useful for sucking hurricanes right out of the sky (or hot air from a room full of politicians), and the proton pack, which took pretty good care of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

Hey, if the proton pack works on giant product spokes-cartoons, maybe we can make Global Warming take a hike just by using the weapon on Al Gore, AKA, The Pillsbury Doughboy!

Monday, April 09, 2007

So, I Guess I'm a Racist

Today's protests over a new proposal to manage illegal immigration caused me to reflect on my own racist tendencies and those of my family.

As I write this, my wife and son are spending their Easter holiday in Mexico working with impoverished children, but I'm for much tighter border control so I must be a racist.

Our family is looking forward to the attending the quincinera (kind of a Mexican sweet 16 party for 15-year-olds) of our neighbors' daughter, but I am a racist because I think businesses who hire illegal aliens should be fined.

One of the coolest things I have done at my church is worship in the Spanish service--it's awesome to see the passion in their singing and praying--but I'm a racist because I think babies born to illegals should not be U.S. citizens.

The same next-door neighbors have had a series of undocumented brothers live in a trailer in a side yard right next to our house. We have had nothing but pleasant dealings with these hard-working young men who often help me when they see me working outside, but I am a racist because I think illegals shouldn't be allowed in our public schools.

My wife reached out to my Mexican neighbors on the other side of us and has met with the wife on a regular basis to help her learn English, but I am a racist because I don't think illegals should be granted drivers licenses.

My son has a "band" which practices in our house, meaning we often feed dinner to his friends Fernando and Panda (a nickname), but I am a racist because I think proof of citizenship should be required at polling places.

I could go on, but I think by now it is abundantly clear that I harbor deep hatred toward an entire people group. You probably shouldn't be caught reading anything I have written if you have a shred a decency in your soul.

Thursday, April 05, 2007

The Curtain Incident: A Study in Prejudice.

I was very close to a recent situation that helped me get a small glimpse into what it might be like to experience discrimination.

The situation involves a gay man acting in community theater with what is otherwise a group of straight actors. By all accounts, everyone got along fine and the cast really gelled as the production moved along. Also involved were several evangelical Christians, including the producer and the director.

You have an idea of what is coming next, don't you?

It was the final showing of opening weekend when The Curtain Incident occurred.

Actually, it wasn't a curtain, but an old blanket. By pure oversight, the production team had neglected to factor in that there would be middle-aged men changing their clothes backstage in the vicinity of 10- to 13-year-old prop girls. By the third show, the producer and director decided to pin up an old blanket behind which the men could strip to their skivies in relative private.

The mere hanging of this curtain/blanket caused an uproar when the gay man refused to go behind it and said that he was personally offended that a curtain would be put up.

After two or three confrontations over the curtain raised concerns for the show's future, the producer took the man aside to see what was bothering him. The conversation went something like this:

Producer: "I hope there isn't anything we have done to offend you, but if there is, I hope we could talk about it."

Actor: "There is. I am personally offended by that curtain. This is theater, you don't bring religion into it."

Producer(apologetic): I am sorry, I am confused; what does religion have to do with this?"

Actor: "Look, I am not an idiot; I know that you go to that (name deleted) church where everybody is in the same little box and you have to be a Christian. This is theater, you don't need to teach kids that there is anything about the human body to be ashamed of. This is theater, this is theater, this is theater..."

So what do you think about my little story? Did it turn out the way you expected?