Photos in the Wild

America, What a Country

How would you feel if you got a note from your house sitter telling you not to worry about the stuff in your liquor cabinet and your house sitter is Lindsay Lohan?

Even her delinquent friends would snicker and say, "Yeah, right!"

Or imagine in fairy-tale land, writing for the Poultry Gazette, Mr. Phineas J. Phox, has a column decrying the paranoid attitude of the citizens of the hen house toward four-legged, furry-tailed intruders with sharp teeth.

Can anybody say "credibility problem"?

So how is it that Newsweek Magazine can have a Muslim editor chide America about its overreaction to the Islamic threat on U.S. soil?

Oh, we're all down with the fact that Lindsay Lohan is a lush, and we're very clear on the idea that foxes love to gobble up chickens like Kobayashi at an eating competition, but mention that Muslims want to kill us all and take over the country, and we go brain dead.

That and we let life-long Muslims like Newsweek's Fareed Zakaria tell us how to run our country as if we've never heard of 9/11.

From the moment I began reading "Beyond Bush" in the June 11th issue, I was suspicious that a guy named Zakaria thought all of the Republican presidential hopefuls were talking too tough on Islam. I made a mental note to look up Fareed when I got home.

I know, I'm a racist, just like the chickens in the coop are specists, and the homeowner with the killer stash is a worry wort.

But I was also right.

Although he once told The Village Voice that he "was not a religious guy", he was raised in a practicing Islamic home according to Wikipedia, the only source I could find that broached the subject of his religious affiliation.

Oh, foul human that I am! So judgmental, so cruel, so insensitive! Assessing a man solely on his religious background? Egads, call in the thought police!

But wait. What else do I have on which to judge him? If I had something else--a personal relationship--I might think differently. My point is that it is folly to even consider a man with such sympathies a credible source for how we choose to handle a fight for our lives.

That Newsweek Magazine bosses didn't say, "Well, hold on, don't you think Americans will wonder about a Muslim giving advice on Muslims" speaks to Newsweek's pomposity.

That Any American would accept the assessment of someone whose motives bear questioning, shows how scary naive we are.

An Evening with Rush

I don't know very many people who's favorite talk show host and favorite rock band share the same name.

I went to my first Rush concert in 26 years last night and boy was it interesting. The Canadian rock trio--most of whom will qualify for senior discounts at Denny's by next year--did not disappoint with a three-hour show in Mountain View, CA.

But almost as interesting to me was watching the interesting contrasts in the fans who came to see the band in it's 33rd year. Oh, how I wish I had my camera!

This is the first concert I've been to where fans needed a cane because they were old, not because they were milking the workers comp system in California.

There were leather-clad motorcycle gangers, but no gang bangers.

Man, I wish I had a camera.

There was an abundance of ear plugs (for hearing protection), but no plugged ears (for stretching out holes in lobes).

There were (what looked like) no-account hippies sitting next to accountants.

Since we were in Silicon Valley, dudes who looked like they still lived in their parents' basement rubbed elbows with millionaires who built computers in their parents' basement.

Man, I wish I had a camera

Drug use was evident, but there might have been more people on heart medication than there was smoking pot.

There were mid-back length, gray-haired comb overs playing air guitar next to neatly trimmed get-the-gray-out Grecian Formula business men.

I saw wrinkled 70's era concert tour t-shirts next to button-downs, khakis, and penny loafers.

Man, I wish I had a camera.

Other observations:

What kind of mental midget gets a kick out of seeing their text messages on the big screen above the stage? I didn't see very many Jr. highers, but listen to these nuggets that people felt compelled to text for all to see:

"They totally rock," "Yo," "Awesome," "It's, like, wow." "You rock!"

My wife said that we have reached the summit of cheap thrills.

Back from the Big Trees

Well, we survived camping, meaning we all came back alive.

Actually the camping part was very nice; it was the complaining teenagers and the energy-that-they-should-bottle 6-year-old that made it a bit taxing at times.

The picture you see is of a big tree. I have many pictures of big trees. The name of the campground is Calaveras Big Trees State Park. When I get settled around here, i.e. finish getting the dirt out of everything, I will post more and tell more.

Gone Camping

Well I'm off on a trip that I always refer to as "real life, only harder".

We are leaving for Calaveras Big Trees State Park in Northern California for a couple days of roughing it. I promise I will have some pictures to post when I get back, and hopefully an interesting anecdote or two.

Trick for more Tips

The new issue of the magazine Wired has an interesting idea that I will be looking to try: Research shows that the picture of a face or simply eyes on a donation jar for the office coffee or a tip jar will raise the contents of the jar over 30 percent.

Apparently, even though it is just a picture, subconsciously the idea that one is being watched is apt to increase one's generousity.

I wonder if putting a picture of eyes on a time sheet to payroll will have the same effect?

Bad Idea Jeans

Is there anybody out there besides me and my wife who remembers that faux Saturday Night live commercial?

Bad Idea Jeans is a parody of the pretentious blue jean commercials of the time and it features a group of middle age guys in jeans hanging out. Each of them makes a statement of questionable wisdom that is followed by the words bad idea appearing on the screen. Here's an example:

"Well, he's an ex free-base addict, and he's trying to turn around, and he needs a place to stay for a couple of months."

or

"Now that I have kids, I feel a lot better having a gun in the house."

You get the idea. Anyway, all of that reminiscing was only to talk about what they are doing beginning this month in Illinois to stem the number of high school dropouts and unexcused absences.

A student in Illinois who misses 18 days of school, drops out, or is expelled will not be allowed to have a driver's license.

Bad Idea Jeans

As a teacher, I question the wisdom of such an incentive to keep people in school. In my opinion, if they don't want to be there, they should stay home. We don't need people whose likely behavior problems muck up the works in our classrooms.

There is nothing more frustrating to me than having to see the kids who know how to work and behave sitting there while I have to deal with those who don't. As a parent it riles me to no end that my kid--the good one--is being shortchanged because so much time is being devoted to someone who doesn't want to be there. (In fact, that is why my son is going to test out of H.S. and go straight to community college.)

I am all for working with kids and trying to reach them with the benefits of an education, but there has to be a point when you leave them to the logical consequences of their actions and direct your efforts towards the ones who show some promise.

It would be better if we had alternative programs for people who have proven that they are not suited to learning in the traditional institutional manner. We need trade schools where these kids will excel and experience success.

Taking away their licenses to keep their problems within the general population?

Bad Idea Jeans.

Mother May I?

Since it took nearly a year for a man to get a hip replacement, the very liberal Surpreme Court of Canada allowed a man to pay for his own health care.

Whoa. Let's stop right there. They ALLOWED him to pay for his own health care?!

How can anybody read those words and not shudder? Think about substituting some other words in place of health care:

*They allowed him to pick which shirt he would wear on Sundays.

*They allowed him to put sliced bananas on his Post Toasties.

*They allowed him to mow his lawn.

Allow me to recommend this blog where you can (as long as the government allows it) read the truth about universal health care.

Scripted Non-scriptedness

In the world of politics, even user-generated content ends up being the same old same old.

Tonight's YouTube/CNN Democratic debate has the alluring novelty of offering up the candidates performing without a net, open to the whims and wisdom of actual people asking actual questions rather than softballs placed on a t-ball stand by a complicit media.

This is not going to be any different than the many townhall events where people stand up and ask questions. That the questions will be submitted on YouTube is just a gimmick. They will still be the questions that CNN wants asked, candidates warned ahead of time.

If I was able to ask questions, these might be among them:

Mr. Barack Hussein Obama, is it true that you were educated in a Muslim school in Indonesia for four years? Why havn't you spoken about that very much? How do you think that aspect of your upbringing will affect your attitude toward rising threats from Islam?

Mrs. Hilary Clinton, how big a priority are you going to make universal health care?
What would you say to the people who want no part in the government telling them how they must handle their health anymore than they want the government telling them where to buy their groceries?

Mr. John Edwards, How can you say that a war against people who seek our annihilation is simply a bumper sticker war? Do you have a Edwards '08 bumper sticker? Is your campaign a bumper sticker or a plan?

Readers, I am sure you can do better than I. What questions would you ask the Democratic candidates if a miracle occurred and actually let some questions get through?

Googly-eyed Parents

Way back when the Internet was just a gleam in Al Gore's eye, I wanted to name my first-born son, Hercules, because we would probably call him Herky for short and Herky rhymes with our last name. Needless to say, my wife didn't like the idea.

Now, because of Al Gore's glorious invention, people are purposely giving their kids unusual names so that they will be found in Google searches.

I was ahead of my time.

This article in the Wall Street Journal talks about the phenomenon where googly-eyed parents are selecting baby names based on their favorite search engines.

The article has the interesting story of what Abigail Garvey decided to name her baby when she was married and became Abigail Wilson. Ms. Wilson's research papers were suddenly very hard to find and she didn't want the same fate to befall her newborn.

They named him Kohler, which I thought was a type of toilet.

And my wife didn't like Hercules.

Hilarious Message Mix-up

I was doing some cleaning today when I came across a piece of paper that reminded me of a great story that occurred this past Christmas.

In keeping with my habit of not asking for anything substantial for Christmas--after all, I am paying for it anyway--I gave my wife a wish list that included Big Tex Hot 'N Spicy Jelly Beans.

These are the ultimate jelly bean. They are about the size of a unshelled peanut, and boy are they H-O-T. They are like Hot Tamales on steroids.

Yum.

Anyway, I got a five-pound bag of them for Christmas and I opened the box as we sat around the tree that glorious morning. My wife had the option of including a note much like you would do if you sent flowers to someone, so she did:

"Mother, I hope these bring back many fond memories! Love, Joy"

Obviously this is not the note I was supposed to get with my red hot jelly beans. I thought it was funny that I got a note not addressed to me, but my wife REALLY thought it was funny for some reason.

When she finally recovered, she told me what Joy's mother probably got on her Christmas greeting:

"Merry Christmas, to one hot tamale."

Photo Shop Practice

I took a couple of photos just to practice my newfound and very slowly developing photoshop skills. I have been at a Technology for Teachers class all week learning how to build web pages and use photoshop. In the above picture, that boat used to be red and there used to be a pole in the foreground. With the flower,, I just messed with some filters and colors.

I took my 14-year-old with me today and it turned out he knew more than the instructors. Of course.

Parents Who Pony Up

What kid doesn't want his own pony?

In Modesto, CA, yesterday, two teenagers are in protective custody and their parents (cough, cough) are in jail for allowing him to live in a house filled with animal feces and flies. Oh, that's because of the horse in the house and the seven dogs.

"The animals had defecated everywhere; the waste was described as "ankle deep" by animal control supervisor John Bear," according to the Modesto Bee.

Yes, this is the second time in a week I have blogged about excrement (I know, it's a crappy blog), but I couldn't pass this up.

A pony in the house along with seven dogs! Oh, check out the link for pictures.

The Government's Fault?

There is an interesting--and long--article in the L.A. Times about people who contracted Aids as infants at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles.

It turns out that in the early 80's blood wasn't yet screened for the virus and there were hundreds of newborns infected through blood transfusions.

A sad, gut-wrenching situation indeed.

The surpising and amazing thing is that some of those people are looking to get some money out of this--not suing the hospital (you would expect that), but via compensation from the U.S. Government.

A bill giving hemophiliacs $100,000 compensation already has taken effect, but the bill to do the same for infants did not.

Is it just me, or does anybody else think this is just bizarre?

What possible responsibility does the government bear in cases like these? Is it because the disease is Aids, that they are able to push this through? People don't get money from the government when they contract an infection while hospitalized.

And you know that the "government" actually means me and you.

TV on TV and in the Movies

Once my mind gets latched onto something, I seldom let go of it.

Just like some people get hung up on the proper way to hang a toilet paper roll or squeeze a tube of toothpaste, I have my pet peeves.

One of them involves the way television is used on television or in movies.

Why is it that every time there is a scene with people watching TV, they ALWAYS turn it off after the point where they see something or hear something that is part of the plot?

This just isn't the way it happens in real life. If you see something that you have been waiting for on the news, you don't turn it off before discussing it. Go ahead, pay attention and you will see that in any scene where what's on TV plays a part, they turn it off right away.

I know, there are times when the TV is on in the background of a scene, but if someone gets upset about something on the tube, they always turn it off and vent; they never keep it on.

For as long as I can remember, I have had that question. My wife knows that I am going to ask it every time we see a movie and it happens. I'm annoying that way.

Any theories?

Out of the Loop

It looks like the new Harry Potter installment is going gangbusters at the box office.

I have never seen a Harry Potter movie. I have never read a Harry Potter book.

Am I missing out?

I know plenty of adults who love these books and heartily urge me to read them, but I just can't do it. I don't know if somewhere in my subconscious I think they are "kid" books, or if it's that I generally don't like fantasy. I can always think of something else to read besides Harry Potter.

Any of you out there have an opinion?

That Dirty Dog: a Story

My dog is a four-legged Houdini.

I've never put him in a straight jacket, but he seems to escape my back yard no matter how many times I screw those fence boards back in.

So yesterday I had just put him in the yard and bolted the gate, and no sooner had I walked 10 feet, then he scampered past me down the street. Knowing by now that it was fruitless to call him, I just hopped in the car to run him down--I mean, follow him.

You see, he is an easy dog to catch if you just open up the car door. Pull up alongside of him and he jumps right in because he somehow hasn't figured out that it is a trap and his fun is over.

But yesterday, it was he who had the last laugh.

I located him after driving a ways down the block and pulled up with the door open to receive him. He jumped right in as planned, but I soon had the feeling that something wasn't quite right. As a matter of fact, it wasn't right at all!

It turns out I had just let a dog who was covered in crap jump into my lap and scoot around in my car!

And that's not all: Now that I had the dog, I had to hold onto him so he didn't escape again, but while I was hugging this feces with four legs, I couldn't reach the door to close it!

Finally, I turned off the ignition and put the car in park in the middle of the street so I could take my foot off the pedal and lean over to close the door.

Then I could enjoy my ride home with my dirty dog! (No, I have no idea how he got doo doo all over his neck and right side.)

The End

The Proof

Remember this day if you ever hear me say that I am cheap and you are tempted to think I am just exaggerating.

Today I needed new plugs and switches for the hall that has been newly painted. I had already gotten the covers, but forgot that if you were changing from ivory to white, you have got to change both.

So I went back to Home Depot to get the white switches to match the white covers. I thought each plug or switch would be a couple bucks, four, tops, for some of the fancy ones.

While I could get a regular on/off switch for about $1.50, I found out that I needed two four-way switches and those were $11.28 a piece. No matter how long I stood in front of the shelf looking for an alternative, they were still $11.28.

No way I was going to pay that so that the little toggle thingy would be white; I mean, there had to be barely more than an inch of surface area that was white!

My son had come with me to see if they made special paint for plastic. Even though I had worked for Home Depot 13 years, I didn't recall that we had one solely for that purpose, but we did, in a spray can.

I decided that I was going to pay $4.77 for a can of white paint and paint all of the switches I already had.

Guess what? It looks fantastic and I saved about 25 bucks!

Like a Gold Ring in a Pig's Snout

If you can't do anything right, hire a marketing firm--that's what Pittsburgh Public Schools is doing.

Oops, sorry, make that Pittsburgh Schools because the marketing consultant thought they could improve their image by ditching the word public.

This is just wrong.

First of all, if I were a tax-paying resident of Pennsylvania, I would be outraged that my money was going toward mere window dressing instead of actual academic needs.

Second of all, if students weren't educated in an appropriate manner, maybe they should drop the word school.

One Job the British Won't Do

I think I am pretty good at putting two and two together.

Just watch me:

Eight of the terror suspects in Britain's latest scare are doctors.

+

Britain has had its National Health Services, i.e., government-run health care, for sixty years.

=

Government health care played a role in opening up Britain to terrorists.

Now I knew this was the case last week, but couldn't find any source other than myself to corraborate it. Who would believe me?

Now I have found commentator Mark Steyn and the New York Sun.

It turns out that (egads!) since the inception of nationalized health care, being a doctor is not such an attractive option for the British, so they have to import them.

That's right, in America we can't get Americans to pick our fruits; in Britain, they can't get the British to diagnose flus.

Steyn writes that 40% of Britain's doctors were trained elsewhere. With such an aversion to working in medicine among the locals, the authorities pretty much have to go begging.

Good God, look what the cat drug in! So you know where this is going, right? Two of the London bombers were brought in to solve the doctor shortage and were given fast-track immigration, not even needing a work permit!

That, my friends, is how national health care in Britain has contributed to the country's terror problem. But don't take my word for it, go read the Steyn article yourself!