Friday, June 22, 2007

For the funny bone

Apparently the guys at "The Brown" do more than throw our packages around in order to have their fun at work.

I don't know whether their planes are brown like the trucks (kinda doubt it), but they do have a very good safety record as the only major airline to never, ever crash.

Maybe its because of the "gripe list" that pilots fill out after each flight, listing things for the maintenance crews to check out before the plane goes out again.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked by P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by the engineers:

P : Left inside main tire almost needs
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a
200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right,
and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.


Irene said...

That was so funny. Thanks for a good laugh to get my day started.

Just as an aside, the UPS planes (767's), are mostly white and the tail section is brown with the UPS logo on the tail section. I drive by the Long Beach Airpot a lot and on Tuesday evenings during the school year when driving to church I would wait to turn at the intersection of Spring and Lakewood around 6:30 PM. This is when the UPS planes are being loaded which one can see from this interection. Not as funny as those maintance reports, but you did mention the color of the plane :)

Ugly Naked Guy said...

Ah, I know that intersection well...I miss Southern California.

Sharon said...

I call this a great example of office communication. :) That's so funny. Love the cat installed bit.