How Would You Survive?

Libraries, pizza restaurants, and church.

Three places that are plentiful in any city would serve me well if I suddenly found myself in a strange place with no resources other than my wits and the clothes on my back.

That's assuming that I am not creepy looking--being creepy would be a huge handicap.

From the looks of the the advance press, Michael Weston of USA Network's Burn Notice won't give too many people the heebie-jeebies as we watch him use his special ops training to survive in the show's premiere, June 28th.

Unless you call being incredibly cheap "special ops training", I can't match Burn Notice's creativity and methods, but I think I would do pretty well.

First of all, there is plenty of food to be eaten. And I'm not talking about dumpster diving either. I once saw a news feature where people called freegans found huge hauls of food from posh New York restaurants' dumpsters. But I digress.

Anyway, ever since I was twelve years old and used to watch Mike the Magician at my local Shakey's Pizza Parlor, I have noted how much delicious pizza goes uneaten at your typical chain pizza place.

If I needed food, I would just cruise through the restaurant and take a few slices before the busboys clear the the table. I am sure this would be very very easy.

Then there is sleeping. This is one area where I do have special skills, inasmuch as I can sleep anywhere. In 1985 I had a very satisfying nap sitting on the floor of a noisy gymnasium during a basketball game in Obrenovac, Serbia. But I digress.

I would do my sleeping during the day for safety's sake, and I would do it mostly in cushy chairs at a library or large chain bookstore. I don't know that it would be a deep sleep, but heck, I don't have anything else to do, so I have time to take twenty cat naps a day. Remember, I am not creepy and dirty (yet), so nobody is going to kick me out.

Finally, I would utilize a large church to meet people who could help me get on my feet and even find a job. It might take a few visits to prove that I am not some weirdo, but I am confident that I can muster up enough charm to make friends and gain the trust of some people who do have resources.

I am not sure how Mr. spy-guy-special-ops Michael Weston is going to handle things in USA Network's Burn Notice, but I am pretty sure I can survive just as well as he. Either way, it would be interesting.