Talking out of both sides of their mouth

The illegal immigration mongers can't even get their stories straight.

According to a Modesto Bee article last month, there will be tremendous shortages in farm workers this summer because immigrants have recently found better-paying jobs in construction. The article says that sixty percent of the one million jobs in the housing market went to immigrants.

Today, in the same California newspaper, farmers say the shortages are due to the fact that Congress hasn't passed a new immigration bill yet.

So which one is it guys?

When Bush pondered an amnesty bill in 2004, some experts estimated that illegal immigration increased twenty-five percent. That makes sense.

But it doesn't make sense for them to wait until the bill is passed; wouldn't they want to get here before the bill goes through since it only benefits those who are here at that point? Duh.

I am sure that right now people are pouring across the border since this goofy "Z" immigration thingy will only help people who came across before January 1st.

What the heck? Are they somehow time stamped when they come across? Otherwise, how do we know who was here before January 1st and who came yesterday?. (I know, the bill says they have to "prove" they were here by then, big whoop.)

All this is pretty interesting, but perhaps the most telling development is that we have so many illegals now that they are taking over the construction business too.

Now not only is farmwork something that Americans won't do, Mexicans won't do it either!

Larry Flynt Proves my Point

Talk about your support coming from unlikely places.

Earlier this week I wrote about Reverend Jerry Falwell's death and how the man was being judged and reviled for the opinions he held rather than how he lived his life and actually treated people. I said that his life--who he really was--was taken out of context like the quotes the media used to build him into a monster.

Noted pornographer and long-time Falwell adversary Larry Flynt wrote an opinion piece in today's L.A. Times that essentially validates what I said:

"My mother always told me that no matter how repugnant you find a person, when you meet them face to face you will always find something about them to like. The more I got to know Falwell, the more I began to see that his public portrayals were caricatures of himself. There was a dichotomy between the real Falwell and the one he showed the public."

I say again: it is not the opinions people hold that dictate what type of person they are. It is whether in spite of their views they still treat people with respect and kindness.

Larry Flynt figured this out and clearly will not be celebrating the death of a man he called, friend.

Love that Cheap Gas!

The guy on TV said that gas is not too expensive.

I'm so glad to hear that because I was about to get worried.

That's right, some dude from Allstate Insurance (this is not a paid post, so they owe me) said that gas is very clearly NOT too expensive. This is because--get this--we are still buying it!

The smart guy went on to explain that if gas were too expensive, we would be buying less of it. What he didn't explain is how exactly one goes about buying less gas.

I can use less gas about as easily as I can use less air!

I thought gas was too expensive as soon as it cost me a buck fifty! Now that it is approaching four bucks, I can't figure out how I can use less. What do I cut out?

Do I tell my 14- and 16-year-old boys that I can't take them and pick them up from Bible study?

Do I stop going to church to sing and serve in various capacities four times a week?

Do I figure out a way to teach from home?

Do I stop taking my kids to music lessons?

Believe me, as cheap as I am, EVERY trip we have to take has me seeing dollar signs!

Maybe I just ought to relax and listen to the guy on TV. Fill 'er up!

Go Google Yourself!

Come on, we have all done it when there's no one looking...

Your alone late at night. You've surfed so much that you're checking the same sites for the tenth time and you realize that it is already the next day's issue of the L.A. Times and it's not going to change for another 24 hours unless a major disaster happens.

Then you do it: you type your own name into the magic box and hit the enter key. What did you find?

For most of us, depending on how you look at it, you find out you are either a nobody or unique. I found three things that matched my rather unusual name--my real name, not Ugly Naked Guy--exactly.

Mostly I am one heck of a golfer. This is extremely ironic. If there is anyone out there bored enough to be googling my name, they will get a big laugh out of that one. I am actually a horrible golfer, but there is a guy in Minnesota who is tearing it up on my behalf.

I also can be found providing "high tech financial solutions for businesses." It turns out that I have a BA in economics and a masters in international business. Wooo hoo, I must be making the big bucks!

Unfortunately, the real me can only be found commenting about the Terry Schiavo case on somebody's blog. I don't know why out of all the blogs I look at I would only find that one, but I must say, I thought I was very polite while making my point quite lucidly.

How about you? What do you find out about your clones-in-name-only when you go google yourself?

Coming soon: What does spellcheck do to your last name?

Noooooooooooooooooo!

When are we going to have our rally?

Maybe if legal residents of this country take to the streets in protest, our representatives (huh?) will get the message. I am surely not the only one who is disgusted that we are going to have yet another round of amnesty.

Sorry Mr. Bush, but I vote for animosity.

Every time we give years worth of illegals a new get-out-of-jail-free card, we are ensuring we will be pressured to do it again in ten more years. Do our laws mean nothing?

And every time we give millions who already cheated a pass, we are giving it to every relative not yet here too.

It's kind of like a buy one get ten free sale.

Even the tough-sounding aspects of this provision won't be enforced--how can they when there isn't a law enforcement agency around who is even allowed to ask people for proof of citizenship!

I've had enough! Canadians go home!

San Francisco Restroom

I took a lot of pictures of these unique art deco (?) public restrooms along the shore in the Marina District.

The Purple Teletubbie is Gay

The Reverend Jerry Falwell is dead today at the age of 73. So far as I know, at least one celebration is planned to mark the occasion, while media from the national news to the blogger down the street will be telling us what he was all about.

Too bad they will get it mostly wrong.

Like most public figures on both sides of the political spectrum, Falwell was often taken out of context.

I want to suggest that his was a life taken out of context as well.

We have all heard how he said homosexuality and abortion were immoral. Many know that he suggested 9/11 was partly attributable to America's moral decline. Everyone remembers the Teletubbie thing, even though he never actually said what is attributed to him.

Those things aren't The Reverend Jerry Falwell anymore than the things we think and occasionally verbalize is any one of us. We all believe and think things that can be used by our enemies to make us look dumb or evil.

I don't know Falwell either, but it is my guess that America is all the poorer because we don't know the full context of the man's life.

There are many people who are grieving today because they do.

I am so glad that there is something higher than the media that is the ultimate arbiter of a person's legacy.

Take a bow or two

Here is a picture that I don't think I actually took; I believe I was standing next to my wife when she took it. Either way I was somehow responsible for at least some part of the fact that this picture exists.



And here is another...

A little too much reality

As the saying goes, no good deed goes unpunished.

The Leomiti family of Santa Fe Springs, CA either didn't know that, or they decided to tempt the gods of fate anyway--they are currently being sued.

Today's L.A. Times recounts how a story that was aired on ABC's "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition quickly turned into an example of extreme ingratitude.

When five brothers from the Higgins family found themselves orphaned,their friends the Leomiti's, who had three kids of their own, invited them to move into their house.

The story was so heartwarming that ABC selected the Leomiti's to have their home remodeled to accommodate them all. The home was expanded to include nine bedrooms and cover over 4,000 square feet. The mortgage was paid off, and six cars were given to the kids of driving age.

Within weeks after the show aired as an Easter Special in 2005, most of the Higginses had moved out, citing racism as one of the reasons. The Higgins are black and the Leomiti's are Samoan.

You can read the story and draw your own conclusions. I must admit that I don't believe everything I read in the L.A. Times or any other paper, but it looks as though the Higgins siblings didn't take to the discipline standards and expectations that the Leomiti's imposed on them.

One of the Leomiti's neighbors said the Higginses started giving an attitude.

Reminds me of a time I tried to do a good deed.

I had my own gardening business and I hired a homeless young man to work with me. Being the thrifty person I am, I used to bring a sack lunch to work everyday. When I noticed that my helper had no food, I would bring him a lunch everyday too.

Guess what? He complained about the type of sandwich I made him!

I know what causes climate change...

Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?
Tell me, if you have understanding.

Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!
Who stretched a measuring line across it?





"Can you raise your voice to the clouds
and cover yourself with a flood of water?

Do you send the lightning bolts on their way?
Do they report to you, 'Here we are'? ---

This is what the LORD says,
he who appoints the sun
to shine by day,
who decrees the moon and stars
to shine by night,
who stirs up the sea
so that its waves roar—
the LORD Almighty is his name.

Verses taken from the 38th chapter of Job and Jerimiah 31 (taken out of context).

Goodbye "Freedom" Fries?

After a record 75 percent voter turnout, conservative Nicolas Sarkozy has been elected president of France.

Although some solid conservative ideas seem to be on the horizon with his victory, he can't be all that smart because the article states that he urged the United States to do more to combat Global Warming.

Perhaps we can loosen the ban on the term French Fries for now, but still keep a sharp eye out for any funny business.

We are, after all, talking about the French here.

Pandering or Marketing?

It's Cinco de Mayo and for the San Francisco Giants it is also Mexican Heritage Day at the ballpark where the home team will wear their Gigantes uniform tops for the occasion.

Does the Chivas soccer club, one of the most popular in Mexico, translate their name to Goats every July 4th?

Not Inappropriate??????

Somebody is out of their mind and I don't think it is me.

Has our society become so base that the once intolerable has not only become tolerable, but no one even understands why anyone would object?

I gave my eighth-graders an assignment where they were to find a poem and read it in front of the class. The first instance of cluelessness occurred when I was explaining the task and a student asked:

"Can we choose a poem that is inappropriate?"

Just ponder that question for a moment.

This would be one reason why I never tell people that there is no such thing as a dumb question.

I think my response was something like, "Exactly which part of inappropriate do you not understand?"

That was a few days ago. Today was the day when the reading would be done. Get a load of the poem that I pulled the plug on (and my advanced class didn't understand why):

My First Time

The sky was dark,
The moon was high,
All alone, just her and I.

Her hair so soft,
Her eyes so blue,
I knew just what she wanted to do.

Her skin so soft,
Her legs so fine,
I ran my fingers down her spine.

I didn’t know how,
But I tried my best,
I placed my hands on her soft sweet breast.

I remember my fear,
My fast beating heart,
But slowly she spread her legs apart.

And when I did it,
I felt no shame,
All at once the white stuff came.

At last I finished,
It’s all over now,
my first time to milk a cow!

When I shut it down, all of my students were laughing and telling me, "It's about a cow, it's about a cow; it's not what you think!"

How is it that they didn't understand that it doesn't matter what it ends up being about? And don't they know that cows don't have blue eyes?

But wait, the most disturbing thing is that I later found out the math teacher loved it and read it to his own class of 13-year-olds!

Do you ever get the feeling that you are the only sane person left on earth?

Learned while surfing

It is amazing what you can learn if you spend an hour mindlessly surfing on blogexplosion while while watching TV (also mindlessly):

A surprising number of people blog about their cats.

There is a guy out there who said that the discovery of that new planet this week is the the most important story in history.

Speaking of planets, many people are very worried about ours. Come on guys, earth is a big boy who can take care of himself.

Apparently being a geek is a big selling point if you have a blog because a lot of people are touting their geekdom in their title or blurb thingy.

I had no idea there were so many blogs out there taking pot shots at Christianity.

Why do blogs focusing on technology and web development look so unattractive?

Downside of digital photography: I saw at least three blogs made up mostly of pictures taken around the blog owner's house (snack boxes on the couch, socks on the stairs, etc.).

Blogs with a more liberal leaning have a lot more cuss words on them.

Blogger really needs to work on adding some new templates; there are too many McBlogs.

Favorite name: My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

Most people make their paragraphs way too long, discouraging me from reading.

Ninety-nine percent of the time I don't bother watching videos that many bloggers are so fond of posting.

I'm a bad, bad man

While watching 20/20's Earth Day Special, I found out just how horrible I am:

I use paper towels. 20/20 just told me about the obscene amount of paper towels I will use in my lifetime. It's a big number.

I am a bad, bad man.

Diane Sawyer also said I use too many of those plastic grocery bags. Well, I do have a whole cupboard full of them. They are just waiting there in a big clump for their turn to go walk the dog with me and be turned inside out to pick up poop. After I throw them away, the bags last thousands of years, but the poop doesn't. Poop is good.

I am a bad, bad man.

I like cheap stuff and that's bad. I should desire to spend much more money on my stuff, but since I am so darn cheap, I am forcing China to make my stuff. When China makes my stuff, they pollute the world. If only I didn't want cheap stuff.

I am a bad, bad man.

I occasionally take a shower. Diane says (I feel like she talks to us like we're kindergartners) that if I (and everyone else) lop one minute off my shower, than the state of Texas can have drinking water for a month. I sometimes just bask in the warmness of the shower for my own selfish satisfaction--it feels good.

I'm a bad, bad man.

Turns out I use electricity too. Now I thought Diane liked electricity better than gas, not enough for me to stop worrying about using it. I felt real bad when Diane took me on a tour around the world and showed me how they turned the lights out on all the landmarks. It's not as pretty with the lights out.

I am a bad, bad man.

In China they have a lot of bicycles. They are good people. I have a bicycle and I even considered riding it to work, but I found out it would take me a whole 20 minutes and I'd arrive all sweaty. I like cars.

I am a bad, bad man.

Sorry.

Sharpton Calls for Santa Claus' Firing!

Maybe in his ignoble departure Don Imus will have finally accomplished something worthwhile.

If his firing means that all media will now be scrubbed clean of the filthy, rude, and vulgar, then he will have died a hero. A brave warrior fallen on his microphone. A sacrifice to give us all a better life.

Riiiiight...and Sanjaya will get voted off American Idol before the bald guy.

Unless the father, son, and holy spirit of political correctness--the mainstream media, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton--put their clout behind getting folks fired for flouting foul and faulty speech, it just ain't gonna happen.

Not that there aren't plenty of people who need their mouths washed out with soap.

Just google lyrics and ho and you will get an eyeful of the earful our youth are getting.

On my first try I got hits with those who are doing the most ho, ho, ho-ing (among other things): Ludacris, Trick Daddy, Kurupt, Nappy Roots, Poison Clan, and, finally, Don Ho (psych).

Since it is obviously not difficult to find offensive speech in the public sphere, it is mysterious as to why Al Sharpton and friends haven't taken care of this "ho"rrible problem already, since these artists all get airplay on the same channel as Sharpton's own radio program! Shocking!

A cynical person would think that Al Sharpton has some other agenda. But that's just really cynical people. I don't know anybody like that.

Blast from the past: Read my old post about the Bay Area sports radio personality who got the Imus Treatment before it became all the rage.

Global Warming: Who you gonna call?

Kudo's to Laura's Miscellaneous Musings and guest blogger Gategirl for pointing out a new hysterical over-reaction to the completely natural and cyclical changes in worldwide climate, otherwise known as Y2K, er, Global Warming.

It turns out that a new bill is being introduced requiring the CIA and the Pentagon to assess national security issues that will elevate Global Warming to a national defense issue.

The Washington Post reports: "The measure also would order the Pentagon to undertake a series of war games to determine how global climate change could affect US security, including 'direct physical threats to the United States posed by extreme weather events such as hurricanes."'

That's right, folks: they want the military to be ready to fight the weather. And you thought finding Osama Bin Laden was tough.

There is no word yet on the type of weaponry that might be required in such a battle, but I would like to suggest we look into the "unliscensed nuclear accelerators" that Dan Akroyd and Bill Murray used in Ghostbusters.

As I recall, the Ghostbusters had a whole arsenal of weapons that were effective against make-believe menaces.

Let's see, there was an ectoplasmic trap which might prove useful for sucking hurricanes right out of the sky (or hot air from a room full of politicians), and the proton pack, which took pretty good care of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

Hey, if the proton pack works on giant product spokes-cartoons, maybe we can make Global Warming take a hike just by using the weapon on Al Gore, AKA, The Pillsbury Doughboy!

So, I Guess I'm a Racist

Today's protests over a new proposal to manage illegal immigration caused me to reflect on my own racist tendencies and those of my family.

As I write this, my wife and son are spending their Easter holiday in Mexico working with impoverished children, but I'm for much tighter border control so I must be a racist.

Our family is looking forward to the attending the quincinera (kind of a Mexican sweet 16 party for 15-year-olds) of our neighbors' daughter, but I am a racist because I think businesses who hire illegal aliens should be fined.

One of the coolest things I have done at my church is worship in the Spanish service--it's awesome to see the passion in their singing and praying--but I'm a racist because I think babies born to illegals should not be U.S. citizens.

The same next-door neighbors have had a series of undocumented brothers live in a trailer in a side yard right next to our house. We have had nothing but pleasant dealings with these hard-working young men who often help me when they see me working outside, but I am a racist because I think illegals shouldn't be allowed in our public schools.

My wife reached out to my Mexican neighbors on the other side of us and has met with the wife on a regular basis to help her learn English, but I am a racist because I don't think illegals should be granted drivers licenses.

My son has a "band" which practices in our house, meaning we often feed dinner to his friends Fernando and Panda (a nickname), but I am a racist because I think proof of citizenship should be required at polling places.

I could go on, but I think by now it is abundantly clear that I harbor deep hatred toward an entire people group. You probably shouldn't be caught reading anything I have written if you have a shred a decency in your soul.

The Curtain Incident: A Study in Prejudice.

I was very close to a recent situation that helped me get a small glimpse into what it might be like to experience discrimination.

The situation involves a gay man acting in community theater with what is otherwise a group of straight actors. By all accounts, everyone got along fine and the cast really gelled as the production moved along. Also involved were several evangelical Christians, including the producer and the director.

You have an idea of what is coming next, don't you?

It was the final showing of opening weekend when The Curtain Incident occurred.

Actually, it wasn't a curtain, but an old blanket. By pure oversight, the production team had neglected to factor in that there would be middle-aged men changing their clothes backstage in the vicinity of 10- to 13-year-old prop girls. By the third show, the producer and director decided to pin up an old blanket behind which the men could strip to their skivies in relative private.

The mere hanging of this curtain/blanket caused an uproar when the gay man refused to go behind it and said that he was personally offended that a curtain would be put up.

After two or three confrontations over the curtain raised concerns for the show's future, the producer took the man aside to see what was bothering him. The conversation went something like this:

Producer: "I hope there isn't anything we have done to offend you, but if there is, I hope we could talk about it."

Actor: "There is. I am personally offended by that curtain. This is theater, you don't bring religion into it."

Producer(apologetic): I am sorry, I am confused; what does religion have to do with this?"

Actor: "Look, I am not an idiot; I know that you go to that (name deleted) church where everybody is in the same little box and you have to be a Christian. This is theater, you don't need to teach kids that there is anything about the human body to be ashamed of. This is theater, this is theater, this is theater..."

So what do you think about my little story? Did it turn out the way you expected?

Bad education memories

I was reminded today of a very unpleasant experience that I had to endure in order to change careers and become a teacher: the state-required brainwashing otherwise known as a credential program.

The vast majority of a teacher's training in California is pure B.S. that in no way prepares one for the real world of the classroom teacher, but I digress. What really got my dander up today was a co-worker's recollection of one particular professor.

I am going to tell you her name because the rot she preaches simply can't go unpublicized: Dr. Mary Salisbury at Cal State Stanislaus. This lady is so left wing that my left wing friends were stunned at her comments.

Ms. Salisbury had some interesting things to say in order to prepare us as educators. My co-worker recalled how much of her required training consisted of telling the class how the U.S. deserved 9/11.

And I guess that while she ranted about the big bad evil U.S., she practically worshiped at the feet of a Middle Eastern student in the class who was also very vocal that we had it coming to us.

By the time I had to take the class, she had moved on from the subject of 9/11, but the America bashing continued. I mostly remember how she talked incessently about her recent trip to Uganda and condoms--that's right, Uganda and condoms.

I remember the overall message went something like this: "Uganda good, U.S. bad; condoms good, U.S. bad." It was pretty heady stuff, as you can see.

Oh, how I wish I had the time to go back and take another class from her now that I don't need her approval to get my credential. It would be so much fun to say all the things that I couldn't say then for fear of retribution.

I did actually disagree a lot compared to other classes where I kept my mouth shut and toed the company line.

I remember her going off on evil corporations--again, what this has to do with teaching 8th graders I will never know--who operate "sweat shops" in third world countries.

She never had any answer for me when I pointed out that the people in those countries are ecstatic about those jobs and communities actually lobby to have the opportunity to host such shops. (Logic is not a required subject in the credential program.)

Oh, how I wish I had a blog back then. You wouldn't believe the stuff they try to pass off as education these days.

Diversity: gotta love it

So my local school district is looking to hire a new superintendent and the local paper has an the rundown on the fantastic possibilities that await as the interview process begins.

I read the article anxiously to see what marvelous qualities they must possess. Maybe they have experienced success turning around under-performing districts; maybe they have some innovative ideas to boost student achievement; maybe they are financial wizards with plans to better allocate taxpayer money.

Maybe not.

It turns out that the main thing the newspaper seemed to be touting was that half of the candidates "represent minority ethnic groups" and "one woman was chosen."

How exciting.

No mention of accomplishments, no trumpeting of their superior abilities, no glowing testimonials of effective leadership.

Imagine if your favorite sports team operated on such a silly system (fake quote coming):

"The Yankees announced today that they are looking for the pieces to build their next championship team. Owner George Steinbrenner has ordered GM Brian Cashman to pull out all the stops to find a Pacific Islander and perhaps a Norwegian or two in order to improve team chemistry."

We live in a crazy, crazy world.

A few questions

I am probably going to catch flack just for asking the questions, but here goes:

1. Why does nearly everybody leave out the fact that Joint Chief's of Staff Chairman General Peter Pace called adultery immoral before he said homosexuality was immoral?

2. Why doesn't an organized group of adulterers rise up and demand an apology and Pace's dismissal?

3. Why does America care more about what people think--and occasionally say--more than they care about what they actually do?

In case you are not sure what I am talking about, a quick recap: This past week Gen. Pace discussed the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy on gays in the armed forces with the Chicago Tribune. In the course of that interview he said he believed homosexuality was immoral. Here is the entire quote:

"My upbringing is such that I believe that there are certain things,
certain types of conduct, that are immoral. I believe that military members who
sleep with other military members wives are immoral in their conduct and that we
should not tolerate that. I believe that homosexual acts between individuals are
immoral and that we should not condone immoral acts."

So that is what he said. I have my opinions--of course--concerning the questions I posed above, but I will probably wait until a later post to address them.

"Yeah, that would be why."

Maybe I just expect too much.

Maybe I am just too far removed from 8th grade to remember that I too was once clueless.

Maybe.

So I have about 10 minutes left in my advanced language arts class and I decide to use the time to discuss some deeper questions associated with the short story we have just finished reading.

"We need to dig deeper into this story and I think it would be good to have an intellectual discussion about our opinions on some of yesterday's questions," I began.

"I don't see why we can't spend more time having intellectual--

--"WHAT'S INTELLECTUAL MEAN!" interrupts a student.

"Yeah, that would be why."

Isn't it Ironic? No, it isn't

Everybody makes errors, that's why pencil have erasers.

But you might want to be a little more careful if you are a Pulitzer Prize winning columnist.

Leonard Pitts of the Miami Herald wrote about the recent discovery that the Rev. Al Sharpton had relatives who were slaves of the late South Carolina Senator Strom Thurmond. Mr. Pitts was tickled at how ironic that was--only problem is, that's not irony. Neither is one of the photos on this post. (Do you know which is?)

People often mistake coincidence with irony. It is a mild coincidence that two people loosely connected in these modern days would be connected 150 years ago.

Now, if Thurmond's people were owned by Sharpton's people, that's a doosy!

There are actually three types of irony: situational, verbal, and dramatic.

Situational irony is when something is the opposite of what you would expect. It is not unexpected that a Southern white guy had Southern-white-guy relatives who owned slaves.

Situational irony is when the fire station burns down, when the police get robbed, and when Donald Trump acts humble. You don't expect these things.

Verbal irony is a weird one. It is when you say something that is the opposite of what you mean. We usually just call this sarcasm: "Well, that was a smooth move," when what you actually mean is, "you are a total klutz."

Dramatic irony occurs in books and movies and such. It is when the reader or viewer knows something that the character in the story doesn't. Edgar Allan Poe's "The Tell-Tale Heart" has this. The reader knows that the narrator is crazy, but the narrator doesn't know it.

Actually, figuring out what is irony and what isn't is somewhat of a mental exercise. Does anybody out there have any examples of things that are supposed to be ironic, but aren't?

A New Attitude

I can't promise I'll never talk politics again.

It has been 17 months since I gave up the blogging and I might give it up again, but for now I am back with a new look (isn't it pretty?) and a new attitude: it is a waste of time to debate politics on the web.

I set out in 2004 to have a blog that tried not to take sides and most of the time I got accused of taking sides.

Yeah, I was a failure.

Sure, I had a couple of really good conversations with my limited readership, but for the most part a "respectful dialog of ideas" did nothing to nudge neither me nor my readers to a different point of view.

I know people do change their political alliances--I've met actual converts--but it doesn't occur because somebody witty and intelligent wrote something on a blog. It doesn't occur because I wrote something either.

Life is by nature political and we all have our distinct worldviews that filter how we assess situations and events. I remember being a young teen, not knowing what conservative and liberal meant, but I somehow related to one commentator over the other in the days with actual editorials on the local Eyewitness News. It's like I was born that way.

So I am giving up talking politics as in candidates and issues. I will talk about life and my opinions and things that don't make sense to me and anybody is welcome to help me out, but I really want to leave out the Republicans and Democrats and the us and them.

I promise I will try.

New Year's Resolution: How am I doing?

I resolved to stop drinking Starbucks Coffee this year.

You probably think I have developed some kind of vendetta against this corporate giant. Nope.

I don't like the coffee.

Not much of a resolution, you say, to stop doing something you don't like?

Oh, but it is. You see, for some reason Starbucks has had its hooks in me for years now. As soon as we got one in town, it became the thing to do. It was such a big thing that I guess I didn't take the time to consider whether or not I liked the product.

Turns out that "cool" and "trendy" will sell you a lot of coffee if people are not paying attention. When I did wake up, I realized that I had somehow been brainwashed into drinking something that I had to pour a quarter cup of sugar into before I could stand.

People say that Starbucks sells an "experience" as much as it sells coffee. I still haven't figured out what that means. Normally a joint that only sells the New York Times is one that I would avoid. If anybody knows what the experience is, please tell me.

Nowadays I can be found drinking coffee and reading the local newspaper at one of the oldest and most revered of American instituitions--McDonalds.

He Picked the Wrong Cereal!

Yesterday was not Larry Krueger's day.

The San Francisco talk show host stumbled upon not one, but two new ways of offending people and will certainly lose his job as soon as the caterwauling becomes shrill enough or congress gets involved--whichever comes first.

In the same commentary where he coined the ethnic slur, "Caribbean" (see previous post), he tried to improve upon the common metaphor, "his brain is mush," used to describe someone who doesn't think clearly.

Instead of the word "mush," Krueger got fancy and used the actual name of an actual mush, Cream of Wheat, when describing Giants' Manager Felipe Alou's brain.

He picked the wrong cereal.

Cream of Wheat packages have the picture of a smiling black chef offering up a bowl of steaming cereal to entice us. Apparently Krueger saying, "You have a manager in Felipe whose mind has turned to Cream of Wheat" is some sort of code for "Felipe Alou looks like that subservient black fellow on the box of Cream of Wheat.

Good thing he didn't use Count Chocula.

He could simply have said that Alou was a Fruit Loop--that's a cereal. And come to think of it, Fruit Loops have the advantage of being many different colors. They have diversity, yeah! You could call into question a persons mental processes and imply that they are part of the rainbow coalition all at the same time! Not to mention that a toucan is part of the rain forest.

It seems that Mr. Krueger needs to attend some sort of sensitivity class for serial offenders. Maybe local supermarkets could expand their businesses by conducting such classes right there in the cereal aisle. Certainly if you are going to be in radio you would need to know all the various connotations of foods in your grain group.

I wonder what would it have meant if he used Quaker Oats Instant Oatmeal as his mush of choice. Wouldn't it be more offensive for a Dominican to be called an old white guy with a wig?

Somehow I don't think anyone would have even noticed if that was the cereal he picked.

Update: Surprisingly, Larry Krueger was fired today.

"Caribbean" is an "Ethnic Slur"?

To be sure, it probably wasn't a wise thing to say if you live or work in the Socialist Republic of San Francisco.

Larry Krueger of the San Francisco Giants' flagship station KNBR is under fire today after criticizing the style of play common among players from certain Latin American countries. Angry at the team's play, he cited the "brain-dead Caribbean hitters swinging at slop nightly" as one of the club's problems.

Apparently, you can add "Caribbean" to the list of "unapproved" adjectives in the Bay Area. Not only is it dangerous to discuss religion and politics, but hitting characteristics of ballplayers from certain geographical regions are taboo too.

Apologizing for KNBR, Senior Vice President Tony Salvadore said that the station takes offense that Kreuger "defamed our Latin players with an ethnic slur."

Move aside, n-word, there's a new slur in town: the c-word. Go ahead, you can call someone "brain dead," but don't dare call them "Caribbean".

What the knee-jerk slur police are missing in this case is that Krueger was simply criticizing a style of play that he felt was not working for the struggling Giants. Players from the region are brought up in systems where they are trained to be free swingers, just as players on the Oakland A's, for example, are trained in a farm system that emphasizes plate discipline and the value of working the count.

If Krueger were an A's talk show host, would it be alright for him to pin blame on players from that farm system who take too many pitches? Of course it would! Why then can't he say something negative about a group of players whose training emphasizes an aggressive style of hitting?

In fact, it is certain that he would not be in any trouble today if he just left out the word, "Caribbean". He could have said that the team had "brain dead hitters who swing at slop nightly." Would it be better to criticise the whole lineup instead of being more specific? Apparently so.

So far they say Krueger will not lose his job. Yeah, right.

Irony of all Ironies!

Okay, so I exaggerate a bit, but what I describe below is at least worthy of mention on one of those "Murphy's Law" posters.

My family does not have the neatness gene. We've all heard the old line about "being a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest." Well, that is about the scope of the disadvantage I find myself in when it comes to keeping our family van clean.

It seems that no matter how often I grab trash out of the car after using it, there is still mounds of trash there the next time I get in. The problem is simple math: one person takes trash out of the car and five people put it in--there is no way I can win against those numbers.

So I had this plastic Target soft drink cup in my car (the clean one). The day I bought this drink at Target the drink machines stopped working after I had poured but three-slurps worth of my slurpee-like drink. Right then and there I vowed to right this injustice by saving the cup and getting what was rightfully mine on my next trip.

That was today. When I reached for the backseat cupholder where I had placed the cup, I came up empty-handed. Since this is no trifling matter to me, I called my wife on my cell to ask her if she had seen my cup. Well, you guessed it. My wife--who only takes old cups out of her cupholders when there are none available to use for new drinks--helpfully removed the trash from my car, leaving me slurpee-less.

Make that Murphy's Law number whatever: If you are saving something that is valuable only to you, someone will turn neat freak at precisely the wrong time.

Why I Should be in the NBA

I really want to play in the NBA. I have no skills, I'm past my prime (a prime that, sadly, included no skills either), and I don't have the time to work out in an attempt to develop some skills; still,I really want to play in the NBA. Isn't that good enough?

Is it outrageous that in spite of my total lack of apptitude I am not able to play the sport I love? I bet Modesto, California's Karen Cox would be on my side--she might even vote me onto the all-star team.

How do I know? Well, Karen wrote a letter to The Modesto Bee in support of 8th graders who fail their U.S. Constitution test. It seems that failing said test--a requirement for graduation--bars one from "walking the stage." These kids are not special ed, but do have some learning disabilities that make it difficult for them to pass the test. According to Karen, there needs to be "respect for individual differences" and an end to discrimination in Modesto City Schools.

Here, here! I've got some "individual differences" that separate me from the typical NBA player: I'm only 6-feet tall, can't dribble, can't shoot, and certainly can't jump. What kind of country do we live in where somebody with little or no talent is systematically denied the same opportunities as elite world-class athletes? I am ashamed to be an American!

I want to come out 100% behind Karen's proposal to give non-graduates the same benefits as graduates; after all, we're all different and different is good, it's just that we all deserve the right to use our differences to be considered the same. See you in the NBA!

Wendy's Chili tale just tip of finger, er, iceberg.

As most of blog-reading America chokes on the sordid tidbit about the finger for hire, the ever-growing mental and moral underclass of this country undoubtedly chortles its approval at the near success of the dirty trick that took more than a few digits off of Wendy's sales totals for two months.

In our whatever-you-can-get-away-with culture, Anna Anaya and her family are the modern equivalent of a band of gypsies, playing us all for every ill-gotten cent they can. The Las Vegas woman's near-miss screwing of Wendy's would be as funny as it is disgusting if these people were an aberration, but even "decent" folks these days are unabashedly "working the system" any way they can.

Even people who have neither seen nor heard of shows like Jackass and Viva La Bam have experienced the trickle down immorality and disrespect that is infecting this nation. The Springer-ization of our culture flashes big when we learn about the lady giving the finger to Wendy's, but millions of other people do the same thing every day without any headlines.

You only have to work retail for a short time to see just how dishonest and low people can be in their everyday dealings. We're not talking out-and-out thiefs--though there is plenty of that--but supposedly upstanding citizens who think nothing of socking it to the retailer with their lies and deception.

There's the nicely-dressed couple who very clearly and deliberately order new windows "with grids" at Home Depot, only to insist later that they didn't want grids; later, they complain and scream enough that they get them for half price. On the off chance that screaming and yelling doesn't get them what they want, they just refuse the windows and purchase them at a fraction of the real cost when they appear later in the clearance bin.

Or how about the nice old lady who orders a whole new kitchen of cabinets and decides later that she doesn't like the grain in the natural maple that she picked out. After ordering new drawer and cabinet fronts three times to find a bunch that met her liking, she finally demands and receives her $10,000 back.

And here's one: A customer gets a whole new hardwood floor installed at the store's expense because he insisted that the installer put in the original floor in a manner contrary to the manufacturer's recommendation. The installer and the store told him it wouldn't work, he pitched a fit and demanded they do it anyway, he signed a disclaimer putting the responsibility squarely on him, then pitched another fit to get a new floor when it turned out the store and the installer were right.

I could go on! (Help me out, do you have some more examples?) Suffice it to say, customers are lying dogs. You can tell that they are lying when they open their mouths. So just because you don't know anyone who used a finger to try to extort some cash, don't assume that the general public is any different.

The Attack of the Knuckleheads

Where have we gone wrong in this society where it is generally accepted that a paying customer has the right to be rude, obnoxious, and hurtful?

From the frustrated shopper who mercilessly unloads on the minimum wage cashier at Home Depot, to the fan who purposely picks seats with a night of verbal harassment in mind, the leeway we have given because “the customer is always right” has gotten to be a bit too much; customers in America have been given so much power that they treat the hired help as something less than human.

Just look at the reactions to Friday’s NBA brawl. In a nutshell, most of the response has been: players bad, fans good. Certainly the players should not have gone into the stands to fight and deserve to be punished severely, but let’s have some consequences for the fans too. If I am the D.A. in that town I examine every available video tape and prosecute anyone who so much as threw a popcorn container that night.

And I must confess that I love how that knucklehead in the Pistons jersey got clocked--more than once--when he walked menacingly toward players on the court. I really think he got what he deserved. I am not advocating violence (I don’t think I’ve hit anyone since I was 12), but there is a measure of satisfaction in seeing knuckleheads getting their just desserts.

Sadly though, even this pummeling will be the highlight of the knucklehead’s life and he will wear it as a badge of honor. There will probably be a large cash settlement and tons of media attention thrown his way, while the players he goaded into defending themselves may be banned from the NBA for life. Years from now, Mr. Knucklehead will be showing that video to his knucklehead grand kids.

When I worked at Home Depot I always said that I wished I had a hidden camera to show the world how poorly customers actually treat people. Now we have a video on how the customers in Detroit acted, and all we hear about are the big bad thugs in the NBA--it’s just not right.

I say we hold people equally accountable for their actions, whether they make millions or they throw things at people who make millions.

If You Have an Erection for Over Four Hours...

Can someone please tell me what all the screaming and shouting is about over the Monday Night Football Promo? Since when is it out of the ordinary to feature sex on television?

Don't get me wrong. I would have been DIVING for that remote had my children been watching MNF with me last Monday night. It is ridiculous that we are constantly bombarded with the sleazy values of Hollywood. But as bad as it has become, I find it interesting that NOW someone is getting upset about it. Why is that?

There has been plenty to be upset about for a long time. One of my favorite (meaning I hate it the most) groping-for-the-remote-and-singing-loudly-moments are the many ads for Viagra, Cialis and other "erectile dysfunction/ enhancement" products. I am waiting for the moment when one of my younger kids ask me what it means when they say, "If you have an erection for more than four hours, seek immediate medical attention." Okay...

Anyway, my bottom line here is that there is way to much sex on TV. I am hoping that the outcry over the MNF promo will spill over to some of the other problems that normal (not thinking about sex 24/7) families face on the tube.

Does America Have a New Attitude?

The old adage, "Attitude is everything," seems to have taken on another meaning these days. The idea that you can achieve more success with a good attitude in life, work, and school has morphed into the newer idea that having a bad attitude is much more cool and useful.

And nowadays, having that edgy "attitude" is celebrated in many walks of life, from the world of music and entertainment, to the everyday folks who emulate those puffed up icons. Nice guys don't just finish last anymore, they don't even get noticed. If you're not in-your-face outrageous, rude, crude, and profane, then you'll have a hard time even registering on the radar of popular culture.

In a world where the adjective, "extreme," is attached for marketing purposes to a wide range of products and services, plain old "nice" just doesn't cut it anymore. Take the gym down the street that just reopened under the banner "Extreme Family Fitness." Or how about the fact that on any given day I can eat "ExtremeDude Beef Jerky," watch the video show "Max X" (for extreme), and even participate in extreme ironing? Even the technical, nerdy type has gotten in on the action as is evidenced by the multiple websites touting "extreme" programming. Nothing good can be normal, it's got to be normal with attitude--extreme normal.

And don't look now, but even the girl next door is a bitch--and that is one of her good points. Whether proclaiming it from her license plate frame or on the profile of her blog, sweetness and nice has now become anger and vice as the attitude of the fairer sex has had an extreme makeover. Just a quick surf around the blogosphere will reveal multiple women who revel in their bitchiness and wear the title with honor. What once was a term of derision, has now become a selling point in a world were attitude has taken a turn for the worse.

But certainly America has always loved its rebels--Frank Sinatra, James Dean, and the Fonz come to mind--but there has always been a place for the polite, the sweet, the innocent, the cuddly, and the cute--until now. Suddenly the only people who are "suspect" are the ones not considered police suspects. Our culture loves to distrust the goody two-shoes of the world and celebrate the bad and the ugly.

Who, for instance, is more detested than all-around clean-cut good guy Jeff Gordon of NASCAR fame? Whoops, not any more, it looks like he is more marketable and accepted now that he's screwed up and been involved in a messy divorce. And of course we hate Martha Stewart for her lack of tattoos and her pretty table settings--boy, are we glad she got what she had coming to her.

It seems that while the behavior of the truly outrageous is ignored with a "judge not lest you be judged" attitude, gleeful ambulance chasers line up 'round the block for a chance to find flaws in the previously flawless, or to bring down somebody's hero.

And without saying that TV was ever a force for good in the world, it is hard to not notice that "The Waltons" and "The Brady Bunch" have become "The Simpsons" and "South Park." At least in simpler days the idiot box just wasted our brains, now the same medium regularly turns them to toxic waste.

And speaking of inspiration, we've all seen in the school room or the board room the professional-looking poster with the solitary drop of water making ring after ring of ripples in pretty blue water that reads, "Attitude: A small thing that makes a big difference."

Maybe an updated version should be a close-up of a gnarly face, tongue stuck out with a tiny, shiny circle piercing the pure pinkness and reading, "Attitude: A small ring that makes a big difference."

The Difference Between Elephants and Donkeys

What do you tell people who want to know the difference between the parties? Are you of the opinion that there is no difference worth mentioning, or could you stand on your soap box for hours on this topic? Personally, I think there are many profound differences between Republicans and Democrats, but they are not always easy to explain in stark, clear-cut terms.

I ask because last week before the election my students asked me what the difference was. At the time I refused to comment because it was not part of my lesson plan and they were just trying to get out of the work they were supposed to be doing. What would you tell junior high students if you had but one shot to make the differences very clear to them?

Here’s my example to get us started:

When the Administration approved a rebate of $600 for many working families in the Summer of 2003, Democrats were upset because low income families who paid no taxes would not get a refund on the taxes they didn’t pay.

I often struggle to hit the bull's-eye of my students’ understanding zone, but I did not have to point out to them the bizarreness of wanting to refund money to people who paid no money in the first place.

Anyway, that is my example of the difference between the parties. I am very interested in hearing examples from people on both sides of the aisle as each of us will probably be made to look silly for different reasons. In an effort to be more balanced, if I think of an example that makes Republicans look silly I certainly will post it. I know such things exist.

The Saddest Thing About this Election

By far the most amazing thing about the recently completed Battle Royal that we call a national election is that seemingly scads of people based their ultimate pick on a very dubious source--"Fahrenheit 9/11."

That I personally spoke with many people who punched a ballot based on Michael Moore's "monsterpiece" is just mind boggling to me. People can (and will) argue until the next election about the film, but reasonable people have got to admit (but won't) that this mass-marketed celluloid rumor had little basis in truth. Heck, one would do just as well to consult "The Weekly World News" for reliable information!

But wait. People do actually believe the libelous tabloids for their facts and that is what Michael Moore and the democrats who pretend to believe the film were counting on. People who were voting for Kerry because they believe in the policies of the Democratic Party didn't need a faux documentary to make their decision. People who have no clue about what goes on in this world will believe anything, especially if it is released on a limited edition DVD.

What might Tuesday's result have been had this film not been available for free on the internet the day before the election and shown on various cable networks to get one last good mass brain-washing before the big date?

There is no shame in voting for your party and its principles; shame abounds if you have no idea what either party stands for, but vote anyway based on a clever marketing campaign masked as a documentary. Extra shame for you if you know deep down that the source is dubious, but choose to cite it anyway hoping to fool the foolish.

Not that the Truth Matters to Anyone but...

As was heartily recommended to me by Gary from "What's Happening to my America?" I have been using factcheck.org to see what shenanigans the candidates have been pulling during the campaign. Gary offered this site as a resource for making sure we make well-informed decisions.

It turns out the latest update from factcheck.org exposes quite a doosey from the Kerry campaign. A new Kerry add claims the same thing that Fahrenheit 9/11 does: that Bush allowed Bin Laden relatives special treatment and safe passage out of the country before air space was reopened after 9/11. Factcheck calls this "one of the worst distortions we've seen."

Now my point is not to say, "Neener, neener, neener" to Kerry supporters. To be sure, on Factcheck there are just as many (if not more) distortions from the Bush camp--though none have been made into a major motion picture that spawned legions of lie-fueled Bush-haters.

I mention this because it causes me to wonder why people insist on spouting these blatant untruths as a basis for their pending presidential choice. Why does each side insist on pointing out the others' lies as a defense for their vote when their side does the same thing? As a dog (see photo) it seems a bit like me insisting that my doo-doo stinks less than yours!

Being truly informed doesn't mean collecting a pile of dirt on the candidate that you wouldn't vote for in the first place! It is disingenuous for a member of either party who believes in the historical tenets of that party to claim support of his candidate based on the supposed misdeeds of his competitor.

Bottom line: Most Kerry supporters will somehow find a way to discredit Factcheck as a source, but even if they choose to acknowledge its accuracy, their vote will not change and was in fact never in danger.

So why do they (both sides) bother making this doo-doo up?

A Crass Commercial Interruption

I can already see a great increase in the traffic to my site in the mere hours since I have joined Blog Explosion . You can help the world see more of me and help them see more of you if you join too. Click on the link or on one of the pretty flashing rectangles on my sidebar. If your not interested, read my last post as I think it is good one.

Another Reason to Pass IQ Test Before Voting

A lot of folks are saying in public what political correctness once banished to backyard barbecue gripe sessions among friends: stupid people should not be allowed to vote.

Really, I feel no shame in saying this given some of the amazing reasons people have for supporting their candidate. I just saw an "Entertainment Tonight" poll that said 46 percent of people would take the advice of their idols in the entertainment world to help them decide who to choose for president. Yikes!

And speaking of entertainment, it also seems that many people take their voting cues from the film "Fahrenheit 911" based on how adept they are at parroting some of the movie's claims. One such person, a blogger who goes by Bitchfire, even provided a link for lurkers on her site to do the responsible thing and "verify" the claims made by Michael Moore.

Boy was I eager to see these "facts" and all that "verification"...so I clicked. No sooner could you say "fair and balanced" and I was taken directly to the...Michael Moore web page?!

That's right, in order to verify that Michael Moore is not lying to me, this blogger sent me directly to the source. Do you think maybe we should just ask Scot Peterson if he killed his wife and save some time? Did anybody just ask O.J. if he committed double murder? He never took the stand did he?

We could cut out a lot of wrangling about what is true and what isn't if we just do the sensible thing and take peoples' word at face value. Now I don't even have to watch "Fahrenheit 911" with this cool web site telling me all I need to know!

All I have to do now is figure out who to believe if "FahrenHYPE 911" turns out to have a fact verification web page. Maybe I'm wrong. Everybody should vote, MTV says so, right?

Let's Stop Pretending it Matters!

Enough already! I am so tired of people using their pat lists of grievances to explain their support for one candidate or another. You know what I mean, you can't go anywhere without someone telling you that Bush has to go because:

*He lied about WMDs
*He wanted to get revenge for his father
*It's all about the oil
*It's all about Haliburton
*He skipped out on National Guard Duty
*Etc., etc., etc.

And if it is not about Bush, it's about Kerry and his supposed faults:

*Threw away his(?) medals
*Bogus purple hearts
*Wife donates to the commies
*"I have no SUV--oh, that's my family's"
*Flip Flopper
*Etc., etc., etc.

I just wish the people who mimic these campaign ads day after day would stop and be honest. They have no intention of voting for the opponent whether he did anything wrong or not. Michael Moore is not a supporter of Bush with or without the information he put in his movie; Rush Limbaugh is not a fan of Kerry whether he lied about Vietnam or not. So why bring it up!

I mean, if you could magically prove beyond any doubt that all the charges against Bush and Kerry were wrong, the people who gleefully parrot them would still not vote for the guy. I think they have to make this stuff up because they know no other way to justify their political choices.

The next time that someone starts bashing a candidate based on any of this type of balony, I am going to ask them, "If I could convince you that his faults are purely a tool of his opponents to defeat him and nothing more, would you vote for him?"

We all know what the answer to that question would be. People have their minds made up and somehow need to paint the opponent as the bogeyman to justify their vote.

The Media Always Takes Sides

When it comes to war and rumors of war why is the media consistently on the wrong side? This question just hit me today as I was doing a bit of research on the war in Bosnia (remember that one, I think we still have troops there).

Because of connections I have throughout the former Yugoslavia, I had always suspected that the U.N. case against Serbia was flimsy at best and totally off base at worse. Now I read that my ideas may have been correct and that the real bad guys in that conflict were the Muslim terrorists in Kosovo.

Now the general public would probably think that assertion preposterous for the simple reason that our media bombarded us with reports of Serbian atrocities for years and those attrocities have become the "truth" by virtue of repetition and selective film and sound bites.

But this is not the only time the media has decided which side we should be on. They wield immense power to shape which view of any conflict the majority of America and the world embraces. I am wondering what common thread exists between the following disputes and the side the media generally supports:

Israel versus Palestine. The media constantly portrays Israel as the bad guys when it seems to me that they are just defending themselves against horrific terrorist attacks. They don't even like that Israel wants to build a wall to keep out the homicide bombers. Heck, back in the day they used to call Arafat a terrorist, but next thing you know he meets with Clinton and wins the Nobel Peace Prize. I don't get it.

The current war in Iraq While not exactly taking the side of Saddam Hussein, our press sure seems to go out of the way to paint America as bad guys here. There is plenty of opinion to the contrary of the gloom and doom they are reporting, but they persist in painting every situation in the worst possible light.

Vietnam. The first conflict in which the media played a major role. Many feel that the American media won that war for the communists and I think they are proud of that. It didn't turn out too well for the Vietnamese, but Walter Cronkite got his way.

There are more instances I am sure. Maybe folks could add to this list and even connect the dots to explain how it is that the media decides these things.

Human Nature and my Loyal Union Buddies

People are naturally selfish. We have a natural bent to look out for our own self interest. Some try to mask that inclination to look out for number one at all costs, but some don't. This is not to say that people don't do good things--it is just not natural for them to do so.

Which brings me to labor unions. As a member of the Retail Clerks Union in the early 80s, I took full advantage of all the wonderful benefits my union secured for me. Those benefits included being paid nearly 14 bucks an hour for what was basically manual labor, the best healthcare benefits I have ever seen, and assorted other rights and privileges. Though not a gung-ho union guy, I did my best to balance my union responsibilities with commitments to management.

So you think that if I--the philosophically-opposed-to-unions person--could be a good union member, then the real union stalwarts surely must be better. WROOONG! Remember my premise about human nature and how we have to fight our inclination to do unselfish things? Well, listen to this.

Our union was about to go on strike against the grocery chain for which we worked. So there was me and my very pro-union work buddies looking at missing a few paychecks. Imagine my shock when all of the guys on our night crew were going to blow off their loyalty to the union to work as scabs for big bucks!

I was the butt of jokes for weeks as I was the only one who was going to support the union in this issue. Silly me, I figured it was somehow wrong to take all the good things the union had to offer, then stab them in the back when it was no longer convenient for me!

I will never forget how quickly and easily these wonderful union supporters turned their backs when their natural instincts for self-over-all took over. For me it was one of many lessons in human nature that I have learned over the years.

Easy Pickings for Kerry

Well, I didn't see the whole debate because I had other responsibilities, but the little I saw reminded me of when I worked at Home Depot--more on that analogy in a bit.

It is an axiom of life that it is way easier to criticize than it is to do something yourself (if it isn't an axiom, it should be).

John Kerry will probably be said to have won this debate handily and that is at least partly owed to the truth of my little axiom. You see, Kerry had the advantage of being able to slam everything Bush has done as President--slamming is easy since it's something we all learn in junior high.

The reason this reminds me of Home Depot is because whenever somebody takes over a department they have a field day ripping everything the previous supervisor did. The old boss could have been God himself and there would still be disparaging remarks about the way He ran things.

How often at your place of employment have you heard these statements from the new guy on the job: "I don't know what so-and-so was thinking, I have to clean up his mess before I can accomplish anything here," or "Things are going to be different. I can't believe what was going on here before I arrived."

Kerry is the potential new guy and had the opportunity tonight to do the same thing anybody does when he wants to make himself look good--make fun of the other guy. I am not saying that we should discount Kerry's effort because of this, I just thought it is much easier to win a debate when you are the one who is making promises rather than the one who is defending reality.

Issues Smissues... They Really Don't Matter

I love how bloggers and regular folk across the political spectrum play the same old game in order to discredit their political enemies, politics in general, or to make themselves seem so very noble. I wanted to come up with a catchy name for this game, but I'm not feelin' it. Let's just call it, Wishing for the Issues.

Here is how it is played:

You've seen it played when they complain about attack ads, shaking their heads and mumbling, "I just wish they would focus on the issues."

You've heard it played when their candidate is caught in a big lie, shrugging, "Well, I wish everybody would just focus on the issues."

You've witnessed it when they can't think of any good comeback while talking politics and they declare, "Well, what really matters is the issues and I just wish we could get back to them."

On and on the game goes. It is played just as well by Democrats as it is by Republicans. It is the game that is played when there is nothing left to say and one wants to be seen as "above" the larger game of politics. Politics is an ugly, dirty business, so in order to feel cleansed, people like to play the game. It makes them feel better.

But it is a lie. The game is a false front, empty words spoken when all else fails to ensure a soft escape from the unpleasantness of politics. Most people don't intentionally lie, in fact, they probably have no idea that by playing the game they are deceiving themselves as well as the ones they use it on.

If you really think about it, nobody cares about the issues. Like, what, Joe Conservative is going to change his mind about Bush if the Kerry folks would just talk about the issues? Are gung-ho Bush-hating bloggers going to consider voting Republican if somebody just breaks down and talks about policy? Will there be peace and understanding in Whoville? Heck no!

Except for the possibly non-existent "undecided" voter, everybody has made up their minds and an old-fashioned issues revival is nothing but a delusional exercise that has no chance of changing anything. Whether talking about issues or slinging mud in commercials, politicians and their handlers always do the same thing: lie to make themselves look good.

The only truth to be found in the process is with the parties. Within pretty definable parameters, we know what the parties stand for--no talk by anybody about anything is going to change that in the short term.

So anybody who plays the Wishing for the Issues game is deluding themselves because in the end they will vote the same regardless.

Why Unions are a Bad Idea

There is a fundamental problem with labor unions that cannot be ignored: a person can't answer to two masters; somebody has to be in charge.

Just think of all the inane junk that happens because of labor unions. Consider that people are paid outrageous amounts of money to perform non-skilled tasks--often just grunt work--and the resultant price increase is borne by all. You can't tell me that it makes sense for a company to pay somebody 14 bucks an hour in 1984 to put cans on a grocery shelf. That's what I was paid back then.

Or how about the way labor is divided? I know a friend who wasn't allowed to pick something up and carry it from one part of the warehouse to another because it was the job of a union employee. Never mind what works best for the company who pays the bills; "protecting jobs" for the unions is the only thing that matters.

And the situation in our schools is a joke too. Administrators who are paid to make sure students achieve have little power to do anything to make sure that happens. I can give you many examples of the whining, silly demands that teachers have that run counterproductive to helping students.

The rebellion of the people against the owners of a company or against authority is as old as Adam and Eve--it was wrong then and it is wrong now.

Oh, and spare me the balony about unions being needed to ensure workers are not taken advantage of.

Somebody is taken advantage of if management is in charge and somebody else is taken advantage of if the union is in charge. The person who has right of ownership and who is held accountable should be the one with the right to take advantage of the other party.

Now of course we have laws in this country that won't allow the owners to take advantage of the workers, but none that keep the workers from taking advantage of the owners. Isn't that kind of backwards?

Fired for a Bumper Sticker? Why Not?

Surely most people will insist that the boss who fired his employee for having a Kerry bumper sticker should be hit with a big lawsuit, but not me.

Oh yeah, the way our laws stand now, he is in big-time trouble. The Kerry-hating boss' bellow, "I own this place!" doesn't mean a thing in a country where the government decides who we can and can't fire.

But where does my right of ownership disappear and the laws controlling who I choose to associate with take over? I may invite (or un-invite) whoever I choose into the home that I own, but I don't have the same power in my business?

I can let anyone I please borrow my car and then change my mind on a whim simply because it is my car--not nice, but not illegal. Why can I do what I like with my other stuff, but not the business?

Now, giving somebody the ol' heave-ho because you don't like their bumper sticker kinda stinks, but when liberty collides with manners, I think liberty should win. I should be able to fire someone for whatever frivolous reason I want if I own the business. I mean, what part of "OWNER" do we not understand in America?

When you disagree with this (as Mrs. Ugly Naked Guy does) ask yourself this question: Why is it that people say "you can't legislate morality," but they still want to tell people who to hire and who not to hire?

Could Michael Moore be Right?

Mr. Moore has been quoted as saying that Americans are “possibly the dumbest people on the planet,” and after my experience “playing juror” on a focus group I am tempted to say that he is right. Here is why:

I was one of 12 jurors hired to participate in a mock trial that lawyers were going to use to see if they should proceed with a real trial. To say that I was surprised by my fellow jurors would be an understatement—I was floored by their gullibility.

The case was simple enough: A college student was driving down a country road when she encountered a dust cloud caused by an almond harvester (very common in the area). She pulled to the shoulder to wait for the visibiliey to improve, but then decided to turn around and go back. Tragically, her ensuing U-turn put her right into the path of an oncoming big rig and she was killed instantly.

These facts I have mentioned are not in dispute. The California Highway Patrol, the defense lawyer, the lawyer for the girls’ family, and an eyewitness all concur. What is in dispute is who deserves the blame for this girl’s death.

Only the solemnity of event being discussed kept me from guffawing as the lawyer tried to explain that it was not the girl’s fault. Here are a few of the doosies he tried to win us over with:

• The girl made this dangerous turn because she feared she would have a severe asthma attack had she stayed near the dust much longer.

• The evil trucking company only paid the driver by the load so he was running up and down that road all day without regard to anything except how much money he could make.

• A device on the truck that kept it from going over 55 had been tampered with (though it wasn’t a legal requirement and he was going slower than that).

Amazingly, when we voted at the end of the trial, I was the only person who thought the girl was the “main cause of the accident.” Until I pointed it out to them, nobody even considered how silly the claim about the asthma was. Nobody knows what the girl was thinking to cause her to make that turn because she died, but my fellow jurors didn’t quite notice that nifty ploy by her lawyer.

And I can’t believe that they fell for the “evil corporation” baloney. That lawyer had these knuckleheads believing everyone from the driver, to the leasing company, to the almond processor were so greedy that the poor girl was just another gnat on their way to riches. What a typical attitude, and one that America buys all the time!

To me the clincher was what they had to say about the lawyer for the defense. They actually described him as slimy and untrustworthy! All he did was go over the official police report that found the girl at fault and draw pictures on the board of how it occurred!

He certainly didn’t defame the names of everybody associated with the truck, assigning all matter of evil to their actions that day. He certainly didn’t make up out of thin air a reason that the girl did what she did! Slimy is the very adjective I would use to describe the family’s lawyer! Talk about having a skewed view of things!

I don’t know, maybe I am the stupid one. I mean, why blame the person who turned into the path of a truck for turning into the path of a truck!

Well, my fake jury “awarded” the girl’s family 13 million dollars (even though they all said, “You can’t put a price on human life”). A few weeks later, a real jury awarded 2 million and assigned only partial blame for the accident on the girl.

America, what a country!

Words you Love to Hear

I was thinking today of words that are especially wonderful to hear and I can't think of anything much better than the ubiquitous, "Have a great Weekend!"

Unlike the equally automatic, "How are you's?" or "Nice to meet you's," this pleasantry matters so much more because even though it may be insincere, it doesn't matter because you indeed HAVE THE WEEKEND OFF--Woo hoo!

What do you think, anybody out there have any particularly favorite "Words you Love to Hear?"

Foxnews.com: Students get an F, but teachers get an A?

Before I started teaching I would have been outraged at what some schools were doing in their self-evaluation reports to the government. Not now.

What non-teachers fail to understand about these test scores is that a large number of students couldn't care less about the results. They breeze through these tests, ignoring all advice on good test-taking procedures. Most do not ever go back over and check their answers no matter how early they finish and how often the teacher suggests they do so.

Teachers and administrators try every angle to prepare them and convince them that there really is a reason to do well, but they seldom believe it.

And if you are a student or parent reading this now who knows for a fact that you or your child does care, take a look at what you are doing right now--your engaged in an academic-like pursuit!

The vast majority of people in this country would never look twice a story about the state of our schools; they don't read, they don't think, and it is their kids who are making the few and the proud look so bad!

Morally and Ethically Wrong!

As if the monthly payroll deduction irritation wasn’t enough, now this…

I got my “Exclusively for Mr. Ugly Naked Guy” 8x10 glossy of John Kerry and John Edwards in the mail today and was told to display it in a “prominent location” (insert your own joke here). I just might do that.

As the Democratic National Committee went on to thank me for helping to secure victory in November, I was reminded yet again of the loss of freedom my new profession has given me as one of its “benefits.”

You see, I have never contributed one penny to ANY political campaign --WILLINGLY-- but my friends at the California Teachers Association and the National Educators Association are so kind to do that for me whether I ask them to or not.

That is just wrong.

All I Really Need to Know I Learned at Home Depot

If you are paying attention, it is amazing how much you can learn about life and human nature while working for the World's Number One Home Improvement Retailer (I still own stock so I have to talk 'em up). I know, you don't normally hold those wide (but often blocked) concrete aisles in the same esteem as some revered halls of higher learning, but nonetheless, I learned more working at Home Depot for 13 years than I ever learned in 7 years of college.

For instance, the first thing I learned was if you want to be the boss, you need to act like the boss.

Sounds simple, I know. But it always amazed me the transformation a person made when he was promoted to any supervisory position. I often found myself at some point saying to myself, "Hey, that person was just a regular employee a few weeks ago and now they seem so different." It was as if I couldn't even remember that they were someone else, and all of a sudden I had a flashback, but still couldn't fathom the change.

Well, I finally figured out how people make that jump from worker bee, to wanna be to queen bee: ACTING.

Yes, acting. One of the essential differences between someone who "is not" and some one who "is" (whatever is is), well, turns out it's just acting. Now this is not to demean Home Depot training or any kind of training or anybody's qualifications, it's just that before we come into our own we have to pretend that we have already arrived and just fake it.

That's right, there is no magic that happens to someone after they pass the pee test and sign their new wage sheet--they are exactly the same person! They already had the required knowledge and ability, but until they got the title they didn't assume the requisite attitude. Taking the opportunity you are given means taking the role and embracing it.

I tell my students this and I tell my own kids this when they try to tell me, "I can't." One might not be a good student, but one of the steps toward becoming one is acting like one. (Reminds me of those old commercials, "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV.")

I guess a popular corollary to this principle is the ever-present mantra, "Attitude is Everything." It is certainly not everything, but it is a great deal of things that you can't do without. If someone is not good at talking in front of class, I might tell them to pretend that they are. When I began teaching, I was terrified to actually get up and teach real students, but I wasn't a "teacher" until I did it and I certainly couldn't "do it" until I first did my best imitation!

Ever since I realized at Home Depot University that a good acting job was the difference between an old worker and a new supervisor, I have accomplished a lot of things that I would not even have tried. Now I am trying to impart the same plan for success to my students and my offspring.